Prayer for the Week August 18 – Body Beautiful

Prayer Closet | Raising Arrows 0 No Comments
Facebooktwitterpinterestmail

Scale

After years of walking in faith and healing there are some days when I’m lost inside the private hell of internal dialogue and self hatred.  On those days I have a hard time even looking in the mirror because I see every imperfection.  It most often happens on the days when I can’t get my favorite skirt to close or my blouse to button.  When everything I try doesn’t look right.  On those days the walk of shame to the shower past the bathroom mirror is almost unbearable.  It’s also on those days when the temptation to stand on a scale is the strongest, that way I will have a quantifiable reason to hate myself all the more.  My wedding ring is tight and I can’t breathe.

The demons of eating disorders lurk in the dark past.  My aunt (my mom’s sister) died of bulimia and anorexia weighing less than 80 pounds as a full grown married woman long before the medical community was able to diagnose the disease.  Mom has barely kept the disease of anorexia at bay, but it has cost her much.  From this place of brokenness she raised two daughters.  I don’t think there has ever been a day when we’re together that Mom hasn’t asked me if she was fat.  I remember being in high school and Mom making me stand in front of her so that she could look at my thighs.  “That’s what I thought.  If you gain any weight your thighs are going to rub together,” she said.

Another time, after a serious bout of the flu, I remember her telling me how beautiful and thin I looked.  “Try not to gain any of the weight back,” was her suggestion.

I don’t share this so that you will hate my mom.  She is a beautiful, loving, Christ-filled woman of God.  She has been my rock my entire life.  But I grew up surrounded by her brokenness.  While she had fought to stay alive, Mom never intended to harm me in any way and she never intended to connect me to the demons of eating disorders, self-hatred, or low self-esteem!  The past is a powerful thing.

For myself, no one would suggest that I have ever been fat.  (Well, maybe that’s not true.  When I was pregnant with each of my daughters I was round!  I gained 60 pounds with my first pregnancy and 50 with my second.  I thought I had permanently lost my ankles!)  I’ve never really struggled with my weight.  I’m 41 years old now and I’m the biggest I’ve ever been outside of pregnancy weighing 163 pounds, but I’m healthy and strong.  Yes, I’m squishier and curvier but that just makes for better hugs!  So why do I struggle some days as if my life depends on it?  Why am I so brutally mean to myself?

I am broken.  Without Christ’s strength in me, and Holy Spirit’s breath in me, I would succumb to everything I counsel against.  Truly I confess, whenever I talk about healthy weight and my utter disagreement with dieting, I’m preaching to myself!

You may be wondering why I’ve chosen a prayer post to share my story with you.  You see, I have two daughters.  One is 13 and the other 11 years old.  I can not, I WILL NOT, allow the demons of my past to shape their future!  I desire for them to stand on my shoulders and go higher and farther than me!  And I am right to believe for them to do so!  Jesus said in John 14:12, “Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father.”

Over the next several weeks we are going to focus on Parenting Our Children Into Adulthood.  Our posts, especially our Prayer Posts will be zeroing in on our children; covering them, surrounding them, and contending for them.  This morning our prayers are for our daughters.

~~~

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy Name.  Thy Kingdom come.  Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread.  And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those that trespass against us.  And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

El Roi, my God who keeps watch,  please protect my daughter’s from the demons of my past.  May those curses never touch them. (Psalm 121:7)  Guide them into a place of security, where they recognize your voice above the lies of the world. (John 10:27)  May they see themselves the way you see them.
~As new creations.  (“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has gone, the new has come.” 2 Cor. 5:17)
~As righteous and holy.  (“And to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” Ephesians 4:24)
~As daughters of light.  (“You are all children of the light and children of the day. We do not belong to the night or to the darkness.”1 Thessalonians 5:5)
~As vessels of divine light.  (“For God, who said, “Let light shine out of darkness,” made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of God’s glory displayed in the face of Christ.” 2 Corinthians 4:6)

~As royalty ready to lead against darkness.  (“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.” 1 Peter 2:9)

In Jesus’ Name we pray.
Amen

 

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *