It’s a good day to be happy

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Yesterday I had a full five minutes to myself in the car. Not enough time for the full emotional breakdown I felt lay right under the surface. In that brief five minute span I poured out my soul to Jesus. When I got home I went and sat on our well and the tears just flowed. Unfortunately, I was urgently called in to deal with a pressing matter. My husband asked me what was wrong. “I just need 10 minutes to myself so I can have the meltdown I deserve!”

Yeah. Just keepin’ it real.

My life has been challenging lately. From all accounts it’s downright complicated.

I am pregnant with our ninth child.

I just drove over 3,000 miles and eight days across the country, towing a trailer (through rain and snow and hail and heat and food poisoning and first trimester exhaustion and morning sickness) relocating my family from California to Maine. My husband drove the truck with the trailer of stuff. I drove the SUV with the camp trailer.

We are caring for my mother-in-law who is fighting stomach cancer.  She’s a lovely person, but sick people are often not very accommodating and those that are suffering to that degree cannot afford to be very flexible in their needs, moods, and desires.  Did I mention she doesn’t speak a word of English? So it must always be me or my husband with her at all times or else she cannot communicate what she needs.

A few days after we arrived to our new home she had a scary episode of bleeding from the tumor. My husband was not home. So, it was her and me in the back of an ambulance for the 30 minute ride to the hospital.  Then there were 4 days in Critical Care and two blood transfusions.  Now there are so many medical, financial, and logistical decisions to be made.

In all the frenzy and exhaustion I haven’t had adequate time to unpack my house. We are still buried in boxes and suitcases. Still having moments of having to dig through a dozen boxes to find that one thing we need.  Moving is crazy at any time. Moving with 11 people, a dog, and a pregnancy is madness.

I confessed to Kristina the other day that I felt guilty. I haven’t been enjoying this moment….this very precious moment, as much as I know I should. This pregnancy, this house, this land that is finally ours. It’s all beautiful and miraculous and deserves a moment of particular gratitude. But my emotional stores were sort of empty.

Today was perhaps the first day that I truly felt home. I made grilled cheese sandwiches for the kids and we ate them outside sitting on the freshly mowed grass.  My kids brought me wild flowers that they had picked in the fields.  And I finally felt like everything would be OK. There is still a glorious farm to nurture, fireflies every night, fresh air and the country sky full of stars unobscured by the city lights.  I have a husband who works his fingers to the bone for this family, to give us this country life we have been dreaming of for years.

It's a good day to be happy

 

Today is a good day to be happy. We are not promised tomorrow. And life may get even more complicated. It isn’t for us to decide. But, these moments of grace–of watching the wind cause the hay in the field to roll like ocean waves, of goats munching grass and children chasing butterflies–these moments are worth it.

We have been discussing as family how we can join our present sufferings to the sufferings of Christ and how by doing so, nothing is wasted. Our trials become part of the story of redemption and we become participants in Grace. The downright crappy days and the beautiful days together weave a story of filling up what is lacking in the sufferings of Christ and prophetically looking forward to the days of our being fully united with Him.

Life is hard. And being a follower of Jesus does not necessarily make it any easier. But, being a follower of Jesus does make it redemptive and restorative and beautiful.

Today is a good day to be happy.  Tears of joy are often mingled with tears of sadness or frustration.  If happiness is to be found on this earth it is in the middle of the complications and not in spite of them. Jesus is a Savior to those who are in need of saving. He is a Comforter to those who are sad. He is strength to those who are experiencing crushing weakness.

Today I had a full thirty minutes to myself. But, I did not have the meltdown I would have had yesterday. Instead I wrote this little post. And then went to hug my napping baby.

 


  1. Such good words as always. And congratulations to you! I was just posting about being done after five and here you are with number nine! You’re amazing. And you always point to Jesus and help me do the same.

    • Daja - June 24, 2015

      Thank you for the encouragement. Really. It’s a blessing to hear that what we write and live and do point others to Jesus. Because, quite frankly, a lot of times I know I am far too self-centered. God bless you and yours today! xoxo

  2. Elena - June 22, 2015

    Thank you for sharing, Daja, I really needed this reminder. I am not good at offering my pain and sufferings to the Lord but I am asking Him to help me in this area.
    I’ll keep you and your dear ones in my prayers.

  3. Georgina - June 15, 2015

    Beautiful.  Thank you Daja.  God bless the Gombojavs and Kylo Farm.

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